Seth's Memorial Service

It was a reality.  I would have to make funeral arrangements for my baby.  I had just given birth or rather I had gone through labor and delivered my son.  This should mean life.  But my son's life had ended before birth so delivering him merely meant he would pass from my womb to the ground.  He went form life to death all in the same day.  His little spirit was already in the arms of Jesus.  I was left with his beautiful shell to bury.  I cried as I said "casket" to my friend.  I could not believe that I was actually having a discussion about funeral homes in the hospital a mere hours after delivering my son.  I hadn't even completely accepted the fact he had died.

It was time to leave the hospital.  I got in the car.  I asked Dennis if we could call the funeral home right away and go there today.  He agreed.  The funeral home was willing to meet with us in the afternoon.  We arrived and began to make the plans.  We decided to have the memorial service on Friday.  The funeral home was so generous.  They would provide to us free of charge a casket, a gravesite and a graveside service.  

Yet we would have to decide where we would like our son to be layed to rest.  We walked out to the cemetary.  The first choice was surrounded by other infants who had left this world too soon. It was near the road and by a tree. It seemed peaceful.   The second choice was farther away off of a gravel road.  I quickly realized the first spot would be his resting place.

The next step to was trying to decided what his memorial service would look like.  It became a mission.  This would be the only event we would plan for our son.  There would be no birthdays, no christmas', no graduations, no weddings.  I knew this event had to be special for him and for me.  This is what we decided to do.

I had said goodbye to Seth at the hospital again.  But I really felt like I needed to place a couple of items in his casket.  I found a little teddy bear.  I wrote him a letter.  I went to the funeral home and explained how I was not expecting to see him, but that I would like to place a few items for him in the casket.  They thankfully agreed. 

I went into the room to see his casket.  Seth had not been placed in it yet.  I was so surprised when I saw his casket.  It actually reminded me of a cradle.  It had white bedding and a pillow.  I slid my hands over it.  I could do this.  I was helping to get his little bed ready.  He would be comfortable in this bed.  I placed the letter I wrote him under his pillow.  I placed the teddy bear beside where he would lie.   I placed a note at the foot of his bed that said "Seth Josiah, Mommy Loves You".  I kissed his pillow and I walked away.  I felt peace.  I had helped to made his bed for him. 

We invited our family and our closest friends to attend the Memorial Service.  We especially invited those who had already made an impact in Seth's life.  Those who loved him while he was in my womb.  Those who talked about him.  Those who asked about him.  Those who had felt him move.  Those who had heard his heartbeat. 

The service included a reading of the meaning of his name.  "Seth means appointed of God" Josiah means "Fire of the Lord".  While this was read Natalie helped Ben, Lydia, Adam, and Caleb take a block letter to his little casket to spell his name S E T H.  Next the pastor offered an encouragement to us.  He shared about David who lost a son.  He reminded us that when David learned his son had passed away he had a feast and ate saying that "My son cannot come to me but one day I will go to him"  It hurts to hear this.  My little Seth can never come to me again but one day I will hold him again in heaven.  I will go to him.  We had Vicki read a poem.

In the Arms of Jesus
Daddy, please don't look so sad, Mama please don't cry~
"Cause I am in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies."
Please, try not to question God, Don't think he is unkind
Don't think He sent me to you, and then He changed his mind.

You see, I am a special child, and I'm needed up above
I'm the special gift you gave Him, the product of your love.
I'll always be there with you and watch the sky at night,
Find the brightest star that's gleaming, That's my halo's brilliant light.

You'll see me in the morning frost, that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze, from a gentle wind that blows
That's me, I'll be there, planting a kiss on your nose.

When you see a child playing, and your heart feels a little tug,
That's me, I'll be there, giving your heart a hug.
So Daddy, please don't look so sad, Mama don't your cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies.

This was followed by a recording of my reading a letter I wrote to Seth.  The song "I Can Only Imagine" began to play and we gathered around this little casket, his bed, his cradle to say goodbye.  We let go of balloons to send them to heaven.  I actually felt a release as I let the balloon go.  My little boy is in heaven.  We spent a few more moments there and said goodbye. 

And Jesus took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them Mark 10:16.

We met with our family and friends at church for a visitation and lunch.