Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Psalms 139:13-1613 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.


I have seen this verse a couple of times since Seth passed away.  When I look at his pictures I see his body so perfectly formed.  I know that God knit him together in my womb.  Seth was creatively created.  God picked out just the right color of brown for his hair color and even numbered the hairs on his little head. God decided he would be 19 inches long. God gave him the longest fingers that mostly likely were to resemble mine.  Wide hands like Dennis.  He gave him the sweetest lips which now I realize are his Daddy's.  He had the squeezable cheeks like his sister Lydia. His nose seems to look like Caleb's...but then again I think all of my children have the same Schamburg nose.  He had big feet just because God thought he should.  Seth was woven together perfectly and he was absolutely beautiful.

So as I stare at his pictures. I remember the few moments in time that I held him.   I look and agree that Seth was fearfully and wonderfully.  I am in awe of God's handiwork on him.  Yet, it makes me question God.  WHY?  If he was so fearfully and wonderfully made than WHY was his time on this earth so short?  Then I read the rest of this verse in context especially verse 16. " Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. " God created Seth and numbered his days.  I have to believe that even before Seth was knit together in my womb, before He made him the the secret place......God knew him.  He knew him by name.  He new he would live for 39 weeks in my womb.  That his first precious breath would be saved for heaven. 

I can even remember the exact moment his name was revealed to me.  I really believe now that it was actually revealed to me.  I had called the baby Faith when I found out I was pregnant.  It was my code name for the baby.  I had a strong feeling that either this baby was going to be named Faith or that God was going to teach me a lot about Faith because of this baby.  I can't believe I had those thoughts in the beginning without knowing what the future held. 

And yes, I know Faith is a girl's name.  Lots of people thought our baby might be a girl.  I did at times too.  I even crocheted pink booties. Yes...PINK!  But suddenly one day I stopped what I was doing and just knew the baby I was carrying was a boy.  And I said his name outloud, SETH JOSIAH.  "I really think I am going to have a boy and his name is going to be Seth Josiah," I was thinking outloud. I Praised God for my little baby and felt peace that he would be a boy. 

It was revealed at the 20 week ultrasound he was indeed a little boy and we did decide his name was to be Seth Josiah.  I know God already knew him by name.  He knew his beginning and He knew his end on this earth.  It hurts so much to have had this little boy for such a short time, but I must trust in God the same today as I did before Seth was conceived.  Seth was created for God's glory and purpose.

See I have to believe in a Sovereign God who knows exactly what He is doing even at the beginning.  I have to trust Him.  I can't believe that God placed Seth in my womb and then at the last moment, the last hour of my pregnancy changed his mind and took him away from me.  I know God can do as He pleases but I also believe He knows exactly what He is doing.  I believe his a God who loves me.  He is a God who has a plan and a purpose.  I have to believe that God knew Seth by name and that Seth was always His child. I have to believe Isaiah 43:1....“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine" I have to believe in a God that loves Seth even more than I love Seth. 

 What a blessing to have been chosen to be Seth's Mommy.  I know I will always be a better person, maybe even a better Mommy just for having held Seth every second of his life!    For every minute of every day for 39 weeks I carried him in my womb and now forever I will carry him in my heart. Thank you God for giving me Seth.  I don't understand WHY you wanted him in heaven so soon....but I give him back to you!  Please tell my Seth that his Mommy loves him so much!

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.  So now I give him to the Lord. I Samuel 1:27-28a