A Letter to My Son

Here is the letter I wrote just a few days after losing a piece of my heart to heaven....

March 22, 2012

To My Precious Seth Josiah,

I was so happy when I realized you would be a part of our family! You were such a pleasant surprise! You made yourself known to me right away. I was so sick as you were growing inside of me. Oh how now I don’t mind. And from the beginning you were a very active little baby. I got my first glimpse of you on the ultrasound. I can’t believe how much you kicked, flipped, and bounced around inside of me. I can even remember the exact moment that I felt you move for the first time. It tickled my tummy. 

You even impressed your siblings, the doctor, and the ultrasound tech with all your flips and leaps. Natalie, Benjamin, Lydia, Adam, and Caleb got a kick out of watching my tummy move to and fro. We knew you were excited to be alive and growing inside my tummy. You so enjoyed life! And late at night when the house was quiet you would do your best moves to keep me awake. And just when I thought you had settled down you would get the hiccups. I loved every minute of it.

We found out that you were a little boy and named you Seth. It would be a houseful of boys that would outnumber the girls. Even Daddy smiled a quick smirk at the thought of another son. We loved to say your name. Everyday I would hear Lydia, Adam, and Caleb spell your name. Ben would tell them if they spelled it just right. Natalie would capture our thoughts and memories and post them on Facebook. They all had special ways of talking about you. It was so sweet. We could not wait for you to arrive. It was almost time!

Now I wish I could go back in time. If I had known that I would have been saying good-bye, maybe I would have closed my eyes for a few more moments and held you in my belly tight. I was not expecting to meet you face to face for the first time only to say goodbye. My heart will forever be broken. My plans for you were not to be. You would become an angel instead. You took a piece of my heart with you to heaven. I hope you hold on to it tight. My precious Seth I hope you always know how much I love you and never wanted to let you go. I pray dear God that you are enjoying heaven with all of its love and joy. I look forward to the moment that I will hold in my arms again. It will be the longing of my heart until we meet again.

I love you Seth Josiah! You are my precious baby boy. You have brought me incredible joy that will bring me comfort while we are away. I wish I could kiss you all over and hold you tight. Until then I will hold you in my heart and close my eyes remembering the time that we were like one you and I.

Love,
Mommy