Letters To Heaven

Dear Baby Seth,

If I could write a letter to heaven I would tell you I love you.  It has been four months ago that I said hello and goodbye. I still wish everyday that life would have turned out differently. I will always find it hard to understand why you were only with me for such a short while. I miss you

It has been a busy summer. Your big brother Ben has kept me busy and distracted with baseball.  Adam and Caleb love baseball too.  It makes me wonder for all the little boys.  Is there baseball in heaven?  Ben's team won first place in the All Star Tournament. It was very exciting.  If I could write a letter to heaven I would tell you I missed having you at the celebration when his team won. I felt a little pang in my heart when I took pictures of your daddy and brothers together.  You were missing. 

If I could write a letter to heaven I would tell you little baby that I hate living without you.  I would much rather be enjoying your giggles and your gumless kisses.  Will you save some for me?  It is so hard to get up and do the life dance after losing you.  But I must.  Dancing will never be the same but I am trying to learn some new steps.  Actually, Adam was really laughing at me the other day when I just started moving to a silly song he was playing on my phone.  It made me smile to hear him laugh. Smiling is bittersweet but I somehow believe you would like to see me smile too.  Just because you are in heaven does not mean I shouldn't try and smile when I think of you.

If I could write a letter to heaven I would tell you that I think of you everyday.  It has become my special way to be your mommy.  I will always keep you on my mind and in my heart.  I try to think of ways to honor you.  Here is a balloon with your name on it.   A sweet woman on facebook in Hawaii had a special memorial balloon release. She was so kind to include your name.  It makes me wonder can balloons really travel to heaven.   If I could write a letter to heaven I would ask God to give this balloon to you.   

I love seeing your name Seth Josiah.  And even if at times saying your name makes me cry I will never tire of loving it or seeing it or hearing it.  If I could write a letter to heaven I would ask Jesus to say it outloud just for me.  Until i hear him say it I will whisper it in my heart. I love you Baby Seth.




I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living my baby you'll be.

Love,
Mommy