Spending the Day with a Friend

I actually think I had a normal day today. I have had several normal moments during some days. But most days have still been so filled with grief that they overwhelmed the normal. Today…all day I really think it was a normal day. I was invited to spend the day with a friend.

It was a busy day. First it was shopping at Wal-Mart. Retail therapy is still tempting. Today I bought new shoes…three pairs to be exact. For lunch we had Mexican nachos supreme. Yum! On the way home to her house we found a box turtle for our boys. I even picked up the creature off the road. Amazing. I so enjoyed the look of excitement on their face when we present them with their new turtle friend. We spent the afternoon making cinnamon rolls from scratch. We kneaded the dough together and just chatted. Our girls talked with us too. It was good conversation. We topped off the day with a nail treatment. My beautiful teenage daughter painted my fingernails and toenails. They look fabulous.

Tonight we were at the ballpark to watch Ben play baseball. His team lost. But Ben made a hit that landed him on second. He hit a single that was also a RBI. He even got 2 outs. I actually watched and enjoyed the game. I even talked with the moms. This was a first. The past few weeks I haven’t been very sociable. I haven’t had the energy. And face it people don’t always want to talk about sad things.

I came home, got the kids to bed. And I am having a normal quiet moment alone.
 
Yes, Seth has been on my mind today. I talked about him with my friend. But we also talked about our other children. I saw a baby at Wal-Mart and felt a tug at my heart. I even moaned out loud as they walked by me. And there was a little baby at the baseball game. I watched as the mom held her little one in her arms. She was smiling at her baby and looking in his eyes. It made me sad. I closed my eyes and wished Seth was with me. I took a moment to wonder and imagine what it would be like holding him while I watched his big brother play the game.

As I am sitting alone I feel this fainting pang in my heart. I miss my baby. I wish I was holding him tonight. I made it through the day. It was a normal day--at least a new normal day. Today was what it feels like to have a normal day while living with the pain..

Thank you friend for spending the day with me. It felt good to have some laughter and take a couple of carefree moments. I love my nails and my new shoes. For the first time in weeks I actually felt a little bit pretty.