I have six children. It should be an easy question to answer. But when I hear this question now it brings me anxiety. This question is usally followed by "Oh, how old are they?" And there it is... my answer will openly display the pain in my heart. It will create an awkward moment in the conversation.
This week I was at a doctor's appointment with Lydia. The doctor was making small talk with me. "So Lydia is 6. How old is that little guy (pointing to Caleb)?" " Oh he is 3," I said. "And I have other children," I say proudly. He asks some more. "How old are they?" I start at the top. "My oldest is 16, then 8, then 6, then 5, and 3"....then I paused. "And actually six weeks ago I had a baby boy who passed away." I didn't wait for the awkwardness. "It just didn't feel right leaving him out" I added. He asked me if there was anything wrong with him? It was fair question. He knew all about my daughter Lydia and her medical issues. I said no. He was quiet then commented that it is hard to understand things that happen like that but we just have to rely on our faith. I appreciated his response it didn't make me feel weird.
Sometimes like the day I just mentioned I will be out and about and only have a few of my children. At these times I may only look like a mother of 2 or 3. But it doesn't change the fact that I have 6 children just because you can't see them all. If you see me out and just assume I only have 2 or 3 so be it. But if you ask me "How many children do you have?" Expect my answer....I have 6 children! If you decide to ask the next question..."oh how old are they?" You may hear me say..."My oldest is 16. She likes to drive and wants her license with her own car. I have a son who is 8. He likes baseball and wants a to hit a homerun. I have a daughter who is 6. She likes animals and would really like a bunny. I have a son who is 5. He really likes brocolli and would like to ride his bike all day long. I have a son who is 3. He likes the smurfs and really likes playing with his brothers. And I have a baby boy who would be almost 2 months old. He likes Jesus and lives in heaven."
I have six children. Do you hear me? Let me tell you that I have six children. Don't make me worry about how awkward or weird it makes you feel. I live with the painful reality everyday that only five of my children are in my home. But I am a mother to six children. I have six children who I have loved and carried in my womb. Don't make me feel ashamed for mentioning all six of them. They are important to me. Don't make me forget about the one who isn't in my arms.
Today is International Bereaved Mother's Day. A day set aside to honor the mothers and the babies they have lost. Don't expect us to forget any of our children. Listen to your friend or your sister or some lady you meet in the grocery store when they tell you about the little one they can't hold in their arms. And feel blessed that she felt comfortable enough to share her amazing heart with you. She is a beautiful mother.
amen.
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