Cracks Filled With Gold

Busted!  Cracked!  Broken! 

My older son brings me the laptop computer to show me the busted screen.  He had thrown something at it and now I stare in disbelief at what used to be a computer screen.  Now it looked as if a baseball had been thrown at it.  I stare at the crack in the center of the screen and see the shattering reaching out to the edge of the screen. 

I sit and cry as I look at the screen but I don't completely understand why.

I take a look at my nook laying safely on my bed and a crack across bottom of the screen catches my eye.  Not sure how it happened.  But it is broken.

I try hard to focus on the words remaining, but there is no way to read a book with a crack covering the next line. 

I walk into my bathroom and I realize the medicine cabinet mirror is cracked.  Someone in this house is guilty of breaking it, but no one tells me. 

I stare in the mirror and I see a distorted view of myself staring back at me. 

I am beginning to think it is fitting to see cracked items as I walk around my house.  It is as if I am seeing a reflection of my broken heart.  My heart is shattered.  It has been hit with a curve ball. It is cracked.  It has been stepped on by death.  I can't physically see it but I am quite sure it looks like the cracks I see as I look at the computer screen and the mirror and the nook. These items are all replaceable.  How do I fix my broken heart?

I was intrigued when I saw this picture of a cracked bowl that has been restored with gold. Yes gold.

It reminded me of the potential of my broken heart.  Could I ever fill in the cracks with the preciousness of gold?  I wonder just how much gold it would take to fill up the cracks.  Gold is expensive.  I wouldn't have enough money to fill up it with such a precious metal.  Then again there is nothing in this world that is as precious as my son Seth.  I may not know as much about him as I like but he is my child.  He like each of my children hold a specicalness in my heart.  So in a sense when compared to purchasing gold he is priceless.

Yet I have hope.  I have hope in a God who has access to the "gold of heaven" to touch up my heart and fill in the cracks. If my heart has cracks filled with gold, the gold that only God can provide won't it be restored? It will still tell of the damage I have suffered yet look more beautiful.   If I allow Him the opportunity to heal my brokeness won't I come out of this more beautiful? Won't my God be even more Beautiful?

Today, I still feel incredibly broken even after 3 months. I have moments that look and feel like joy.  Yet, I am still sad. I don't even know how to describe the strangeness of what if feels like to feel joy and feel grief all at the same time.  It doesn't make sense that they both can reside inside of me and yet they do.   

Yes, I am healing.  I am finding my way.  It is discouraging at times because I want to know what I am going to look like and how I will feel over time.  I get impatient.  I get worried about what my future holds.  Yet God's promises for the brokenhearted are true.  He feels closer to me than ever before.  He stands by me and holds my hand as I look at Him with confusion and keep asking him a thousand different ways "why".  He doesn't answer but keeps calming me enough to help me move to the next level.  This is His way. He is fixing my broken heart. And to picture that He might actually fill the cracks with something as precious as gold to make my heart beautiful again is amazing to me. 


The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18